Destination Laughterville

I had a miraculously quiet few days this weekend, which afforded me the opportunity to do a little self-evaluation. (A more accurate description might be that I went out on a ridiculous and semi-accidental Friday night drinking spree which resulted in a level of hangover I haven’t had in years. It left me inert and utterly sofa-bound, capable only of moving every couple of hours to locate another packet of Salt & Vinegar Hulahoops. Plenty of self-evaluation was carried out, even if the majority of it emerged from an ‘I’m absolutely positively never ever drinking again’ sort of a place).

You see, I’ve felt somewhat fraught of late. Retraining for an entirely new career, and starting a ridiculous merry-go-round of applications, interviews and several new jobs, will do that to you. It’s also left me with a residual feeling of permanent guilt and panic that I’m late for something, that I haven’t written or planned everything, that I’ve missed someone’s wedding or birthday, or that I’m developing a stomach ulcer from being stressed, broke and sourcing vitamins solely by eating an unnatural amount of Aldi frozen peas.

Here are 4 of the ludicrous things I have started to fret about:

·         In case you hadn’t noticed, it’s been raining a lot recently. And while not exactly tropical out there, it has been fairly warm. Which leads to one of the most dreaded words in the vocabulary of any fringe-owner, especially one newly in ownership of her fringe: humidity. These days, I am essentially sporting a small fuzzy curtain hairsprayed to my forehead. Not ideal.

·         I have been feeling guilty about not going to the gym frequently enough. Which meant that one day last week, I found myself improvising a kettlebells class in my kitchen by swinging heavy things manically around while lunging. This is not normal, it is not medically advisable for anyone, and I nearly took my eye out.

·         I have been worrying that the French classes I took last year were a complete waste of time and money because I’ve now forgotten everything. So I downloaded 2 French newspaper apps that constantly beep and alert me when anything newsworthy happens. Except that my knowledge of French verbs is limited, so I’m never sure if things on the world political stage are being combatted, exacerbated or thwarted. The sheer uncertainty is giving me a nervous breakdown.

·         My lunch last Thursday included cherry tomatoes cut into halves in a salad. Lovely, you might think. Except every tomato-half was seemingly stuck to the plate by its own juices, rendering it impossible for me to get any purchase with my fork to lever them into my mouth and eat the bastard things. I could actually feel my blood pressure getting higher with every tomato-less mouthful. Pathetic.

This shit has got to stop. Life is just too short.

And so in the interests of sanity and self-preservation, I present you with my excellent foolproof theory of happiness: Bloopers.

Yes, it’s that simple. I watched Friends bloopers on Youtube for 3 hours the other night, and felt incredible. Refreshed, light-hearted, totally devoid of crows’ feet. I’d forgotten how much I love outtakes. Back in the days when I actually bought things on DVD, it was the only Special Feature I ever gave a shit about. It’s like You’ve Been Framed swoops in through the window of my favourite TV shows and dials up the laugh-o-meter. The actors burst out laughing, the audience piss themselves, and it’s like we all share a hilarious private joke together.

And it’s all just sitting there on the internet waiting for you. So there you have it; just make your blooper selection, wait for it to buffer, and off you go. A one-way ticket to Laughterville. I’ll see you there.