#GM10

3 intrepid explorers ventured out early one Saturday morning. An important mission was afoot. They were armed with supplies (‘sacks full of snacks’ had been the brief), a bottle of Prosecco to crack open at the moment of victory, and a lot of bus-timetable print-outs.

The day of #GM10 had finally arrived.

Don’t worry if you aren’t familiar with it yet; we made it up.

In a reckless moment, about 6 months ago, I had said to my friend Emma, ‘Man, I want to say I’ve been to every borough of Greater Manchester. And I want to do something cultural in each one.’ ‘And have a drink,’ she suggested. ‘AND DO IT ALL IN ONE DAY!’ she added triumphantly.

And so the plan was born. All 10 boroughs of Greater Manchester in one day. Caveats were added; one day became 12 hours, and we opted to only use public transport. We selected a date, and then roped our friend Ana in, because she bloody loves Manchester but now (sadly) lives far away.
                                                                 

We met a little after 9am at Trafford Bar tram-stop. The first words out of Emma’s mouth were, ‘Well, thank god we found each other in life, ladies, because we certainly wouldn’t find anyone else willing to do this.’

We had a rough outline in mind, but were prepared to, as Emma put it, ‘fly by the seat of our pants’ a bit if necessary. Like I said, intrepid.

I thought you’d like to live through #GM10 just as we did, and so allow me to present our adventure, chronological and comprehensive, from Trafford to Salford. (For true authenticity, you should be drinking a can of Alfie’s ready-mixed Gin & Tonic throughout.)

1. Trafford:

Cultural pit-stop: Statue of Frank Sidebottom, Timperley

Not the easiest destination to get to. Primarily because, until the night before, none of us had been able to find out where it is. Indeed, Ana googled it and the top result was Emma’s question to the Frank Statue Facebook group asking ‘Where is the statue? I’m visiting tomorrow and I don’t have a postcode!’ Meanwhile, in the staff room after work I’d had much better luck. Google Streetview shows no Frank statue, but some excellent detective-work from my colleague Ryan revealed it’s outside Johnson’s the Dry Cleaners (which had undergone rebranding by the time of Frank’s unveiling).

2. Manchester

Cultural pit-stop: Statue of Queen Victoria, Piccadilly Gardens

We took our second tram of the day into the city, and spent the journey comparing our snacks, like kids at a sleep-over. Emma waved a token apple at us, prompting a local Trafford lady to observe, ‘Because Saturday is the day to be healthy. Stick pins in your eyes the rest of the week’. Yes, quite.

Manchester was a quick interlude for us. No messing. Our adventure was more about the open road, the unexplored backwaters in the surrounding boroughs. Although it was the point at which I began my day-long quest to photograph council bins.

                                                               

3. Stockport

Cultural pit-stop: Hat Museum

This is a GREAT place. The UK’s only dedicated hat museum. ‘You’ll need at least an hour for Level 2,’ the front-of-house lady advised, ‘That’s where the hat-making machines are.’ She seemed disappointed when we broke it to her that we only had 10 minutes, and that included a visit to the toilet.

We thoroughly enjoyed our whistle-stop visit; we tried hats on, marvelled at the Hatting Info Lounge, and I’ll leave you with this informational treat: People stopped wearing hats when they started driving cars. Fact.

                                                                           

4. Tameside

Cultural pit-stop: Tameside Library and Art Gallery

Our first bus of the day took us to Ashton-Under-Lyne (the 330, 42 minutes, on which Emma uttered the immortal words, ‘I’m going to make you eat something with chorizo in it now.’ Sainsbury’s Chorizo Koftas, in fact. Very nice, but look remarkably like small dog poos).

Culturally, we had feared this would be the most difficult borough, but our worries were soon allayed, as we clocked up the (now sadly-derelict) Tameside Hippodrome and Tameside Library and Art Gallery.

And then, wonder of wonders, we braved a refreshment break at Fat Lenny’s Saloon. Picture a ridiculously kitsch collection of Wild West memorabilia in a Working Men’s Club, and then add a white buffalo head, a medieval chandelier and 3 types of Sourz (apple, tropical and cherry).

It was incredible; we drank halves of lager and relished in the knowledge that we were officially ahead of schedule! We rode the wave of success and accomplishment and got a bit giddy; I asked why they had so many UV lights. Ana suggested maybe it was to detect semen. Seamen? Emma contributed. Surely they only get cowboys in here. Ah, the hilarity.

5. Oldham

Cultural pit-stop: Oldham Coliseum

Another bus-ride and we were halfway through our mission. A wander through Oldham City Centre, photos at the Coliseum Theatre, and we were soon sharing a can of G&T at Oldham Mumps tram-stop. (NB. The name of the Mumps area of Oldham probably derives from ‘mumper’, an old word for beggar. And you thought this article wouldn’t teach you anything.)

                                                                    

6. Rochdale

Cultural pit-stop: Town Hall

Suggested by my friend Jackie, the Town Hall in Rochdale is simply amazing. Rumour has it, Hitler had his eye on it, and planned to ship the whole bloody thing to Germany. It is huge and Gothic; we were only sad it wasn’t open for us to explore inside.

Instead, we patronised the local Wetherspoon’s, The Regal Moon, where you can get a refillable coffee for 70p and learn about famous Rochdale-ean Gracie Fields from the wall displays. (If you’re interested, this famed music-hall star had 3 husbands and lived her later years on the island of Capri. She also started a children’s home in Sussex specifically for ‘children of those in the theatre profession who couldn’t look after their children.’)

                                                                  

7. Bury

Cultural pit-stop: World Famous Bury Market

Bury treated us nicely. A quick turn around the Market, where Emma found out what a Rag Pudding is, and we were on our final bus of the day (the 471, 29 minutes).

Memorable moments of the journey include a little girl caning a whole bag of sweets and doing a very good impression of a dog, me learning that Emma’s boyfriend freezes Tunnock’s Teacakes (say what?) and someone asking, ‘Do you think it’s possible to have too much pork in a day?’

8. Bolton

Cultural pit-stop: Town Hall

Here we experienced our one failure. We had hoped to visit Bolton Aquarium (trust me, it’s a real place), but we missed the 5pm closing-time. Instead, we settled for the lovely Bolton Albert Halls and a stroll past the elephant sculptures on Newport Street. Why elephants, I hear you ask. Well, they feature in Bolton’s coat-of-arms. Why, I hear you ask. Well, it’s because Bolton used to be part of the diocese of Mercia, and Coventry was the seat of the diocese of Mercia, and there’s an elephant in Coventry’s coat-of-arms. Why, I hear you ask. Well, because St George was born in Coventry, and he killed a dragon, and the elephant is the medieval symbol for dragon-slaying. Obviously.

                                                                              

9. Wigan

Cultural pit-stop: Wigan Pier

I didn’t know much about Wigan Pier before #GM10, other than that George Orwell went there and wrote about it. Turns out, he only wrote about it so he could describe the awful slag-heaps. Oh.

We found the bit of the railway used for tipping coal into the canal-boats, we found the Leeds-Liverpool milestone, and then we found the pub. Where we had a very cheap round of pints, there was a wedding reception and a Hen Do happening at the same time, and the bar-staff didn’t wear shoes.

And then on the train, a very very drunk girl had to get out at Hindley, dragging her friend Jane with her. ‘But I don’t live in Hindley,’ Jane said mournfully. Poor Jane.

10. Salford

Cultural pit-stop: Statue of Queen Victoria, Salford University

Success! Victory! Celebratory drinks in The Old Pint Pot.

                                                                                    

We did it! And all for the amazing price of an £8.60 bus-train-tram Day Pass (thank you Transport for Greater Manchester, it’s an absolute bargain).

We saw the house where Fred Perry was born, we went through a part of Bury called Jericho (who knew?), and Emma taught me the delightful ‘a cappella banger’ Kersal Massive, featuring Little Kev and Ginger Joe (or Skinny Pete, as she prefers to call him).

Above all, I had one of my most favourite days ever. Ladies, thank you; I had the best time.

As Emma observed so wisely in Fat Lenny’s, ‘Don’t worry about facebooking this. We need to relax. These are our moments for later. I’ll make an album and print it out and send you a copy for our 50^th birthdays.’

By then, no doubt #GM10 will be a global phenomenon. There’ll probably be a statue of the 3 of us for GM10ers to visit. I’d quite like it to be in Tameside…