3 intrepid explorers ventured out early one Saturday
morning. An important mission was afoot. They were armed with supplies (‘sacks
full of snacks’ had been the brief), a bottle of Prosecco to crack open at the
moment of victory, and a lot of bus-timetable print-outs.
The day of #GM10 had finally arrived.
Don’t worry if you aren’t familiar with it yet; we made it
up.
In a reckless moment, about 6 months ago, I had said to my
friend Emma, ‘Man, I want to say I’ve been to every borough of Greater
Manchester. And I want to do something cultural in each one.’ ‘And have a
drink,’ she suggested. ‘AND DO IT ALL IN ONE DAY!’ she added
triumphantly.
And so the plan was born. All 10 boroughs of Greater
Manchester in one day. Caveats were added; one day became 12 hours, and we opted to only use public transport. We selected a date, and
then roped our friend Ana in, because she bloody loves Manchester but now
(sadly) lives far away.
We met a little after 9am at Trafford Bar tram-stop. The
first words out of Emma’s mouth were, ‘Well, thank god we found each other in
life, ladies, because we certainly wouldn’t find anyone else willing to do
this.’
We had a rough outline in mind, but were prepared to, as
Emma put it, ‘fly by the seat of our pants’ a bit if necessary. Like I said,
intrepid.
I thought you’d like to live through #GM10 just as we did,
and so allow me to present our adventure, chronological and comprehensive, from
Trafford to Salford. (For true authenticity, you should be drinking a can of
Alfie’s ready-mixed Gin & Tonic throughout.)
1. Trafford:
Cultural pit-stop:
Statue of Frank Sidebottom, Timperley
Not the easiest destination to get to. Primarily because, until the night before, none of us had been able to find out where it is.
Indeed, Ana googled it and the top result was Emma’s question to the Frank
Statue Facebook group asking ‘Where is the statue? I’m visiting tomorrow and I
don’t have a postcode!’ Meanwhile, in the staff room after work I’d had much better
luck. Google Streetview shows no Frank statue, but some excellent
detective-work from my colleague Ryan revealed it’s outside Johnson’s the Dry
Cleaners (which had undergone rebranding by the time of Frank’s unveiling).
2. Manchester
Cultural pit-stop:
Statue of Queen Victoria, Piccadilly Gardens
We took our second tram of the day into the city, and spent
the journey comparing our snacks, like kids at a sleep-over. Emma waved a token
apple at us, prompting a local Trafford lady to observe, ‘Because Saturday is
the day to be healthy. Stick pins in your eyes the rest of the week’. Yes, quite.
Manchester was a quick interlude for us. No messing. Our
adventure was more about the open road, the unexplored backwaters in the
surrounding boroughs. Although it was the point at which I began my day-long
quest to photograph council bins.
3. Stockport
Cultural pit-stop:
Hat Museum
This is a GREAT place. The UK’s only dedicated hat museum. ‘You’ll need at least an hour for Level 2,’ the front-of-house lady
advised, ‘That’s where the hat-making machines are.’ She seemed disappointed
when we broke it to her that we only had 10 minutes, and that included a visit
to the toilet.
We thoroughly enjoyed our whistle-stop visit; we tried hats
on, marvelled at the Hatting Info Lounge,
and I’ll leave you with this informational treat: People stopped wearing hats when they started driving cars. Fact.
4. Tameside
Cultural pit-stop:
Tameside Library and Art Gallery
Our first bus of the day took us to Ashton-Under-Lyne (the
330, 42 minutes, on which Emma uttered the immortal words, ‘I’m going to make
you eat something with chorizo in it now.’ Sainsbury’s
Chorizo Koftas, in fact. Very nice, but look remarkably like small dog
poos).
Culturally, we had feared this would be the most difficult borough, but
our worries were soon allayed, as we clocked up the (now sadly-derelict)
Tameside Hippodrome and Tameside Library and Art Gallery.
And then, wonder of wonders, we braved a refreshment break
at Fat Lenny’s Saloon. Picture a
ridiculously kitsch collection of Wild West memorabilia in a Working Men’s
Club, and then add a white buffalo head, a medieval chandelier and 3 types of
Sourz (apple, tropical and cherry).
It was incredible; we drank halves of lager and relished in
the knowledge that we were officially ahead of schedule! We rode the wave of
success and accomplishment and got a bit giddy; I asked why they had so many UV
lights. Ana suggested maybe it was to detect semen. Seamen? Emma contributed. Surely
they only get cowboys in here. Ah, the hilarity.
5. Oldham
Cultural pit-stop:
Oldham Coliseum
Another bus-ride and we were halfway through our mission. A
wander through Oldham City Centre, photos at the Coliseum Theatre, and we were soon
sharing a can of G&T at Oldham Mumps tram-stop. (NB. The name of the Mumps
area of Oldham probably derives from ‘mumper’, an old word for beggar. And you
thought this article wouldn’t teach you anything.)
6. Rochdale
Cultural pit-stop:
Town Hall
Suggested by my friend Jackie, the Town Hall in Rochdale is
simply amazing. Rumour has it, Hitler had his eye on it, and planned to ship
the whole bloody thing to Germany. It is huge and Gothic; we were only sad it
wasn’t open for us to explore inside.
Instead, we patronised the local Wetherspoon’s, The Regal Moon, where you can get a
refillable coffee for 70p and learn about famous Rochdale-ean Gracie Fields
from the wall displays. (If you’re interested, this famed music-hall star had 3
husbands and lived her later years on the island of Capri. She also started a
children’s home in Sussex specifically for ‘children of those in the theatre
profession who couldn’t look after their children.’)
7. Bury
Cultural pit-stop:
World Famous Bury Market
Bury treated us nicely. A quick turn around the Market,
where Emma found out what a Rag Pudding is, and we were on our final bus of the
day (the 471, 29 minutes).
Memorable moments of the journey include a little girl
caning a whole bag of sweets and doing a very good impression of a dog, me
learning that Emma’s boyfriend freezes Tunnock’s Teacakes (say what?) and
someone asking, ‘Do you think it’s possible to have too much pork in a day?’
8. Bolton
Cultural pit-stop:
Town Hall
Here we experienced our one failure. We had hoped
to visit Bolton Aquarium (trust me,
it’s a real place), but we missed the 5pm closing-time. Instead, we settled for
the lovely Bolton Albert Halls and a
stroll past the elephant sculptures on Newport Street. Why elephants, I hear you ask. Well, they feature in Bolton’s
coat-of-arms. Why, I hear you ask.
Well, it’s because Bolton used to be part of the diocese of Mercia, and
Coventry was the seat of the diocese of Mercia, and there’s an elephant in
Coventry’s coat-of-arms. Why, I hear
you ask. Well, because St George was born in Coventry, and he killed a dragon,
and the elephant is the medieval symbol for dragon-slaying. Obviously.
9. Wigan
Cultural pit-stop:
Wigan Pier
I didn’t know much about Wigan Pier before #GM10, other than
that George Orwell went there and wrote about it. Turns out, he only wrote
about it so he could describe the awful slag-heaps. Oh.
We found the bit of the railway used for tipping coal into
the canal-boats, we found the Leeds-Liverpool milestone, and then we found the
pub. Where we had a very cheap round of pints, there was a wedding reception
and a Hen Do happening at the same time,
and the bar-staff didn’t wear shoes.
And then on the train, a very very drunk girl had to get out
at Hindley, dragging her friend Jane with her. ‘But I don’t live in Hindley,’
Jane said mournfully. Poor Jane.
10. Salford
Cultural pit-stop:
Statue of Queen Victoria, Salford University
Success! Victory! Celebratory drinks in The Old Pint Pot.
We did it! And all for the amazing price of an £8.60
bus-train-tram Day Pass (thank you Transport
for Greater Manchester, it’s an absolute bargain).
We saw the house where Fred Perry was born, we went through
a part of Bury called Jericho (who knew?), and Emma taught me the delightful ‘a
cappella banger’ Kersal Massive,
featuring Little Kev and Ginger Joe (or Skinny Pete, as she prefers to call
him).
Above all, I had one of my most favourite days ever. Ladies,
thank you; I had the best time.
As Emma observed so wisely in Fat Lenny’s, ‘Don’t worry
about facebooking this. We need to relax. These are our moments for later. I’ll
make an album and print it out and send you a copy for our 50th
birthdays.’
By then, no doubt #GM10 will be a global phenomenon.
There’ll probably be a statue of the 3 of us for GM10ers to visit. I’d quite
like it to be in Tameside…
