Like a native.

Yep, that's how I speak these days. Like a native. Well, a small 4-year-old one.

My French has come on leaps and bounds, and I can now converse with the best of them. Or I could, if it was appropriate for me to hang out at kindergarten.

Don't believe me?

Back by popular demand, here is what I wrote for my exam in a recent French class, translated back into English for your reading pleasure.

For the sake of context, I was given a series of pictures and had to write 3 stories to explain what was happening in them.

STORY NUMBER 1:
This is Jacques. Once, he was a very important businessman. He had lots of responsibilities and lots of employees. Every day, he used to go to work very early and he used to return to his house very late. He had a very thick moustache and he was quite fat.
Then something marvellous happened. Jacques won the lottery and he received a lot of money. He stopped his job. He took a big journey to India.
There, he started to practise yoga every day. He climbed on 3 mountains. He didn't know why he still had his moustache, because he hated it. So, he shaved it off.
Now, Jacques lives in India. He eats lots of fruits and vegetables. Thanks to yoga, he got thinner and now he is not fat and he is the happiest man.

STORY NUMBER 2:
10 years ago, Pierre worked in a supermarket and he lived at his parents' house. He was sad because he wanted to find a girlfriend. More than that, he had a big dream: he wished to become a baker, the best baker in France!
He made a big decision. He moved house. He left the house of his parents and he went to Paris. He enrolled himself in a college for bakers.
He met another bakery student. She was called Sandrine. She could make all the types of bread.
There was a competition to discover who made the best baguette. Clearly, it was Sandrine, and the same day, Pierre asked her to marry each other. She said yes!
Now, they are the owners of a very famous bakery and they have 3 children.

STORY NUMBER 3:
Madame Bertholde lives in a small very picturesque village in the north of France. The village, which is called Villeneuve, is situated in a very pretty region with lots of hills and in the middle of a small forest. The village has some shops, a church and a cafe. There are only 300 inhabitants.
In 2080, Villeneuve will change a lot.
About 10,000 people will live in Villeneuve. They will dine in lots of restaurants and they will go to the cinema or the theatre or to the stadium to watch a football match - because all these possibilities will be possible in Villeneuve in 2080!
There will not be a forest any more because of all the big buildings and houses in the town.
Madame Bertholde will be dead before 2080, but her grandchildren will still live here.
In fact, the grand-daughter of Madame Bertholde will become the mayor of Villeneuve in 2082! She will do lots of great things.

Mon horloge va vers arrière. Or, learning a language turns back the clock.

Happy January folks! My 2015 resolution of BE BETTER AT EVERYTHING is going well. I’ve just had a very productive morning.

Job 1: I successfully located the little grey plastic funnel dishwasher-attachment-thing, thus enabling me to refill the dishwasher salt for the first time. Having been given extremely specific instructions on maintaining all household appliances in the apartment I’m renting, I even watched 3 different youtube videos on how to use said funnel to insert said salt before copying the whole process VERY CAREFULLY. Don’t worry – there’s supposed to be some weird water in there already, and it’s supposed to take a surprisingly large amount of salt to fill the thing. DISHWASHER MAINTENANCE COMPLETE.

Job 2: I continued my mission to use increasingly more coffee and increasingly less water in my coffee-machine. My goal is to see how far I can go before the stuff that comes out would technically be termed mud.

Job 3: French homework. Instead of doing this in a 15-minute rush before my French class on a Wednesday, this week I am grown-up and mature and doing it 2 days in advance in a neat and organised fashion. This week, my homework was a written composition about how I spent New Year, using at least 20 verbs and at least 2 past tenses.

I’ve just finished. It took ages. I drank all the coffee and shouted at Google Translate three times, but it was worth it. I was feeling pretty smug by the end – I’ve used the word ‘twinkle’ for goodness’ sake, and 3 (that's right, 3!) reflexive verbs.

And then I read it back to myself, and realised that when I write in French, I sound like a small child. I have completely regressed. I should probably change the dots over the i’s into small hearts for truer authenticity.

Don’t believe me? Here, for your amusement, is the English translation of what I wrote. On the plus side, it doubles as a blog entry about New Year, albeit through the eyes of a 9-year-old (who drinks champagne).

My New Year's Eve

I spent New Year’s Eve in Paris. After Christmas, which I spent at my parents’ house in England, I went to London. When I arrived in London, I met my friends at St Pancras Station. It was the day before New Year’s Eve.

On the 31^st December, it was cold, but it was also sunny. So, we went to the Jardin des Plantes and we walked about. After that, we visited the Evolution Museum, which is a museum in the Jardin des Plantes with lots of information about Natural History. The panda was my favourite animal.

Then, we walked to the Arab World Institute. There, we climbed up to the ninth floor to see the magnificent view. It was awesome!

Later, we were walking in the Jardin des Tuileries when the sun set. The sky had lots of different shades of pink and purple. Suddenly, the Eiffel Tower started twinkling. It was perfect!

That evening, we returned to my house, where another friend joined us. We cooked a traditional cassoulet, we drank champagne, and for dessert we ate a Christmas Chocolate Log. On the log, there was a small model of Father Christmas. It was the first time that I saw Father Christmas holding an axe! 

It was a really cool New Year’s Eve!