Smell Pictures

Big news, guys. Richard E. Grant has released a scent.

Not like a skunk. Don’t worry; there will be no talk of glands here. No, I’m talking about the world of CELEBRITY FRAGRANCE. Think White Diamonds by Elizabeth Taylor, Paris Hilton’s Fairy Dust, Intimately Beckham courtesy of David, and the intriguingly-named Unforgiveable Woman from Sean ‘P. Diddy’ Combs.

Richard E.’s eau de parfum is called Jack (as in Union), contains marijuana and, in his own words, is ‘unisexy’ and ‘lickably more-ish’. Jack has been 50 months in the making and will have cost Grant (one imagines) an awful lot of money. ‘Launching [his] signature in scent’ has been a lifelong dream and he is, quite rightly, inordinately proud of it. Smelling things is his absolute favourite.

Which got me to thinking. Smells are pretty incredible. And with that, I shall launch into a few musings about smells. Enjoy.

1. Of course, there are your classics. Everyone knows the giddy childhood excitement and prospect of a 6-week summer holiday that comes flooding back at the slightest whiff of suncream or just-mown grass. And estate agents the world over love that the aroma of fresh coffee or bread practically make people reach for a cheque-book. Smell equals sell, people!

2. New stuff. Mainly cars or carpets. And it’s fine that I can’t afford to buy new cars and carpets all the time (in fact, I’ve never bought a new car or a carpet), because the good people at Magic Tree (or Little Trees if you’re American and Wunder-baum if you’re German) make New Car Scent. Well done them.

I’m not on board with all of the Magic Tree flavours, mind you. Why I would want my car to smell of a Margarita or a Piña Colada is beyond me. And some of the names piss me off – Peachy Peach? Silly Citrus? Vanillaroma? Ugh. I don’t even know what some of them could possibly smell of – Strength? Black Ice? Powder?

And those people who have 3 or 4 different Magic Trees merrily swinging away on the rear-view mirror all at the same time. What kind of multi-fragranced devilry are they messing with?

3. Rain. I’m not entirely sure why or how it smells, but it does, and it’s great. Before, during, after; drizzle, thunderstorm, torrential; slight variations on a theme, but all scentastic. I read once it’s something to do with ions in the air, so it’s basically chemistry and therefore FACT.

4. Nostalgia. It’s amazing that certain smells can transport you to the past. As Richard E. Grant says, it’s because ‘smell is the shortest synaptic leap in the brain to our memory’. Yes.

For example, if I smell Tommy Girl, I am immediately back in the gym at high school doing my French GCSE exam (‘Oh my god, what is recycling in French? Oh my god, who even cares?’ – It’s le recyclage, if you’re interested). And Dolce & Gabbana Light Blue takes me right back to Washington DC, the 2006 World Cup, a lot of hotdogs and Bud Lite, and going to Tai Shan the Panda’s first birthday party (but that’s a story for another time).

5. Innovation. I spent the weekend with my parents recently, and thoroughly enjoyed the new Spanish plug-in air freshener my Dad had purchased. It was quite simply one of the most beautiful scents I have ever encountered. The fragrance was Moonlit Serenity. I don’t know what regular serenity smelled like, but the guys at the Spanish air freshener factory did absolutely the right thing by adding some moonlight.

6. Parks and Recreation. The names people give their perfumes are fascinating. They're so damn aspirational. You’ve got Pure Brilliance by Celine Dion. Minajesty by Nicki Minaj (like what she did there?). Mariah Carey has given us Lollipop Bling. And Britney Spears is the queen of this game: she’s got Fantasy, Circus Fantasy, Island Fantasy, Midnight Fantasy, Hidden Fantasy and Fantasy Twist. Quite literally fantastic.

One of my favourite things about Parks and Recreation (and there are many) is famous fragrance-maker character Dennis Feinstein. His creations are marvellous; highlights include Coma, Itch, Thickening, Spasm and Butterface. I’m hoping to get Richard E. Grant involved in making one of these a reality for his follow-up fragrance.