Big news, guys. Richard E. Grant has released a scent.
Not like a skunk. Don’t worry; there will be no talk of
glands here. No, I’m talking about the world of CELEBRITY FRAGRANCE. Think White Diamonds by Elizabeth Taylor,
Paris Hilton’s Fairy Dust, Intimately Beckham courtesy of David,
and the intriguingly-named Unforgiveable
Woman from Sean ‘P. Diddy’ Combs.
Richard E.’s eau de
parfum is called Jack (as in Union), contains marijuana and, in his own
words, is ‘unisexy’ and ‘lickably more-ish’. Jack has been 50 months in the
making and will have cost Grant (one imagines) an awful lot of money. ‘Launching
[his] signature in scent’ has been a lifelong dream and he is, quite rightly,
inordinately proud of it. Smelling things is his absolute favourite.
Which got me to thinking. Smells are pretty incredible. And
with that, I shall launch into a few musings about smells. Enjoy.
1. Of course, there are your
classics. Everyone knows the giddy childhood excitement and prospect of
a 6-week summer holiday that comes flooding back at the slightest
whiff of suncream or just-mown grass. And estate agents the world over love that
the aroma of fresh coffee or bread practically make people reach for a cheque-book. Smell equals sell, people!
2. New stuff.
Mainly cars or carpets. And it’s fine that I can’t afford to buy new cars and
carpets all the time (in fact, I’ve never bought a new car or a carpet),
because the good people at Magic Tree
(or Little Trees if you’re American and
Wunder-baum if you’re German) make New
Car Scent. Well done them.
I’m not on board with all of the Magic Tree flavours, mind
you. Why I would want my car to smell of a Margarita or a Piña Colada is beyond
me. And some of the names piss me off – Peachy
Peach? Silly Citrus? Vanillaroma? Ugh. I don’t even know what
some of them could possibly smell of – Strength?
Black Ice? Powder?
And those people who have 3 or 4 different Magic Trees merrily
swinging away on the rear-view mirror all
at the same time. What kind of multi-fragranced devilry are they messing
with?
3. Rain. I’m
not entirely sure why or how it smells, but it does, and it’s great. Before,
during, after; drizzle, thunderstorm, torrential; slight variations on a theme,
but all scentastic. I read once it’s something to do with ions in the air, so
it’s basically chemistry and therefore FACT.
4. Nostalgia. It’s amazing that certain smells can transport you to the past.
As Richard E. Grant says, it’s because ‘smell is the shortest synaptic leap in
the brain to our memory’. Yes.
For example, if I smell Tommy Girl, I am
immediately back in the gym at high school doing my French GCSE exam (‘Oh my god, what is recycling in French? Oh
my god, who even cares?’ – It’s le
recyclage, if you’re interested). And Dolce & Gabbana Light Blue takes me right back to
Washington DC, the 2006 World Cup, a lot of hotdogs and Bud Lite, and going to
Tai Shan the Panda’s first birthday party (but that’s a story for another time).
5. Innovation.
I spent the weekend with my parents recently, and thoroughly enjoyed the new
Spanish plug-in air freshener my Dad had purchased. It was quite simply one of the
most beautiful scents I have ever encountered. The fragrance was Moonlit Serenity. I don’t know what
regular serenity smelled like, but the guys at the Spanish air freshener
factory did absolutely the right thing by adding some moonlight.
6. Parks and
Recreation. The names people give their perfumes are fascinating. They're so damn aspirational. You’ve got Pure
Brilliance by Celine Dion. Minajesty
by Nicki Minaj (like what she did there?). Mariah Carey has given us Lollipop Bling. And Britney Spears is the
queen of this game: she’s got Fantasy,
Circus Fantasy, Island Fantasy, Midnight
Fantasy, Hidden Fantasy and Fantasy Twist. Quite literally
fantastic.
One of my favourite things about Parks and Recreation (and there are many) is famous fragrance-maker
character Dennis Feinstein. His creations are marvellous; highlights include Coma, Itch, Thickening, Spasm and Butterface. I’m hoping to get Richard E. Grant involved in making
one of these a reality for his follow-up fragrance.
